Crimson of one Soul

Monday, 11 February 2008

" YOU "





Im like a little girl lost.
Everything seems so unfair in my life.
               The things that i've always dreamt of never comes true.


~The mistakes that you made never seems to end..
Sometimes I wonder why you just cant stop making mistakes.
I want to know why?
But my questions are never answered..
It's been many years, but your mistakes still lingers..
Will it ever end? ( another question that I ask often)
One moment we are happy,
the other end leads to an unhappy year.~

~Never once you called me just to say hello or to ask how am I doing..?
The calls that you give are always rather disturbing, yet  hurtfull to my ear and yet to my heart.
When I try to open up to you, it seems like your not listening.
Or your mind is just filled with problems that you rather think of.
The position you put me through over the years has put burdence on me.~

~The cries that I make was silent and invisible.
Sorrow you brought was a pain in my soul.
Problems that seems neverending is ruining my life.
The gap between you and me is getting bigger and bigger each day passes.
Distance has ruin our time to spend together.
My interest, my attitude, my feelings, my achievements, my dream, my life...
Will only be a shadow to your eyes.
You will never know what lies between the lines.~

    The child you once knew,
is no longer a child.. she has grown, has feelings and the mistakes you do, will only make me hate you more.
  Enough is enough.

at 2/11/2008 07:34:00 pm No comments:

Wednesday, 6 February 2008

What a DAY!!

                                      CANT BELIEVE I DID THAT...

Well..today was a hectic day..
I did a last minute shopping with my mum and my sis at Queensbay for CNY.
Dope*..went there late at 4pm.That means not getting to buy much.
But anyways, I did get most of the stuff that I want..
Yea, MOST...
We shopped till 9pm..my oh my, I still didnt wanna leave tho.
I couldnt help myself but wanting more as I dont usually do much shopping.
So that means my wardrobe needs a makeover.
yea..its transforming more into a girls wardrobe...haha..
But hey..thats what they have been wanting me to do aint it.
Maybe it just need abit of getting used to me wearing more gurly.

After the shopping and all..wanted to go to the pet shop,
to get a leash for me dog before we head back to KK tomorrow..
But it was close!!! god dammit..so gota do it in the morning.

The head home...wait for Lin Yee to pick us up to go over to Joanne's
house to chill along wit Eunice and Avni..( its been long since ive met Avni
eventhough she lives just a few floors above me, she looks good tho).
Then got to Marina Bay( Jo's condo),
hang there for awhile, and then head off to Ananda to meet Kenneth, Asher , Ken Sheen
and some other guys.
Had some supper...
Then they planned to get some booze to drink at the beach but then end up buying Ribena instead..haha..
Cause no one wana drink.

Well along the way to the beach.......
Did somethin pretty fun that i wouldnt think that i would do in a Million years!
Pretty stupid...but it was alright.
Now..Im here telling myself....
" I cant believe I did that...!!!!!!!!!!!!"
~What a day~


6/2/08

at 2/06/2008 04:00:00 am No comments:

Friday, 11 January 2008

Awesome Wednesday!

      Awesome Wednesday!!!






Yesterday was a cool day..! An awesome one i must say.
My day started at noon.
Anna picked me up, Emkay and Fei Cui.
And we had lunch in old town at new world park.
Then we plan to find Jess at her workplace.
Chocolate Boutique..!! wee~
We get to try alot of chocolates. haha. cool chop tho..
Then we had to send FC to her college Disted at 2.
We went there and me, emkay n anna was thinking..
why dont we go find that skinny ass ( May )
and disturb some of their class..

Fortunetely, Emkay did it..haha..
Went in to the class and act like shes a transfer
student from Canada.
With all her slang and look.
The teachers and even some of the students
believe her god damn acts.
Propz for you gurl..haha.

The teachers there were friendly tho.
Thought we would had get into trouble, but nah.. lucky us.
Then after all that. Anna drop us at 1-stop,
cuz emkay wants to get DVD's.
She got 49 dvds and she bought
Stering wheel for her car back at Canada..
Darn it..she spend like 500 bucks all- together..

Then we went to Anna's hse. Chilling..
Waiting for Amelia to come and take
us out but she end up coming at 10pm. -.-

When we went to UPR..thats where the party started!
Went with the same peepz!
Amelia, Anna, Emkay and of course MUA..!! haha





Mua peepz! Anna with the look again!
Took this at Glo..




Cheers! Kisses ! Pout that gorgeous lips! And act like a monkey!
Took this in MoMo..




Emkay just got her tattoo like 2 days ago. It says happiness.
Haha...and I dunno what the hell are they doing there!
Having a blast at the dance floor!



Candid pix of Anna.
Kenneth at the far right! Goin crazy on the dance floor in Mois...
I guess the pictures says it all..Took this at Mois.
Okay..I know..we are party chicks..
3 clubs in one night. haha



After all the drinking, dancing and sweating..haha.
We all went to Khaleel for our supper with Kenneth, Kenny, Dennis , Asher and Dennis Friend??? lol. I dunno his name..!
Well..they were forced to go anyways..threatened by Amelia and us.!

It was an awesome night..could not ask for more..
Met Cleo and Joan too.. me 1st time seeing them there..
haha..kudos!
Hopefully Emkays bday would be a blast too.
Cant wait....!!!!!!!!!!

-23-

at 1/11/2008 02:22:00 am No comments:

Wednesday, 9 January 2008

Lost....

 
I  cry almost everynight in my early youth when i go to bed,
whether its because of an argue, a fight, the hearing of my family shouting n yelling at home,
or just the thought of how fucked up my life is.
Things had never been good in my family even before i was born.
And now, nothing is still good nor goin to.
I've always envy the people who have a good n happy family.
I wished i was them.
Knowing that every morning when I wake up, there will be no worries or arguments.
That wish of mine, is slowly dying..

Problems in my family never goes away,
one moment its beautiful, the other end, only waiting for something bad to happen.
And it did...!
Im lost now..
I dunno where Im heading, not knowing if it's going to work out.
All I think is if he didnt do...? if he did...? why the fuck he did that?.

Have you thought of ending your life before?
I had..many times when I look out the balcony, i say to myself..
" Should I ? "

But now..I dont think of it no more..

Whenever I walk outta my house, Im always wearing a mask.
Not makeup..but a hidden disturb child.
Tears I shed away.
Feelings of heartaches I hide away.
Thought of the problems are deminished from my mind.
But when I get home,
Its all starting all-over again.

Thats why I never liked being home.
The thought of going home is saddening to me.
I like walking in to an empty house.
With just me, and everything just for me...
No noise, No arguments, No Tears.

The life Im living is HELL..
Moving here didnt make things better, it got worst.
Parents divorced, abusive brother,middle-child problem sister and me, the silent-disturbed child that doesnt speaks at home.
Im like a ghost at home, thats what mum said to me.

I know, I treat my friends way better than to my mum.
Mum realise that, she sometimes does envy it when Im treating my friends alot better than her.
I answer her when my friends are around.
I joke alot when they are around me.
I laugh more than I usually do.
Im more alive.
Im happy.
She hates the sight of that.
She ask why.
But Im just speechless to her.

What can I say.
Im more happy when my friends are around.

I wasnt like that before.
I was Mummies little helper when she needed it.
I buy groceries for her when my sister n brother was too lazy to do it.
I pay the bill when she ask me to.
I buy dinner for the family, we eat separately at our own pace.
Im the neat and clean type.
I hated noise and loud music.
I hated clubs.
I hated drinking.
I hated guys like fuck.
I get home before 7.
Im more caring to my mum.
Im more polite.
I get up and say good morning to my mum.
I was...lovable to my mum.


I know she still do love me.
I just dunno how to show love to her back.
Im ashamed to show my love for her.
Im afraid to kiss her.
Im afraid to show her that I care.
It kills her.
But i just cant.
I dunno why.
I was her only hope, I guess, its all too good to be true.

She trusted me alot.
She still do, but not as much as she used to.

Im loveless, angry, hatred, ashamed, troubled, foolish and stubborn.

at 1/09/2008 03:46:00 am No comments: