Over it? Not quite there yet.

Apart of me still feels very sorry for you that I still can't get over this and the other part just feels like you should feel sorry for me.

My first time, oh god it's my first time feeling like this. I never held such a fear, a pain and a betrayal so badly that it actually numbed my whole body and my mental state of mind. Everyday I wake up is a battle to keep things right, not thinking about it is a challenge. It goes over and over and over again in my head, recalling all the best and bad times when I thought you were nothing like them. I always had my doubts but I will always make this thoughts go away and try to think positive. The thought that had made us come so far, made us where we are today.
The answers were convincing but not convincing to the point where I can rest my mind out of it. Maybe that is not the answer I have been looking for cause there are still bumps and lumps of questions here and there. What really did happen?
I know, I am not a very forgiving person. I do not trust people easily and yet hard to forgive when the trust is broken.
I have never held my heart so high for anyone else, not even for myself. I gave all mine to the one I love. I am trying to forgive and forget about whatever that has happen, but is it that easy to forget? I remember everything that had gone wrong since I was 5 years old, how can I ever forget something that just happened so sudden like a slap in the face to me?
It is not easy, but I am trying.

Be patience with my questions,
be patience with my doubts,
be patience with my weak heart.

I have been hurt long before you knew me, It was like a stab in the chest when every night the tears of pain rolled down my cheeks. It was never a pretty sight, it was something that I have to live with. So will you be patience with me?
I hate this lonely nights whenever all this thoughts comes to me and I have no one to hold on. No one to even confide in my aching heart. I reached out to people that cared most of me, I reached out to find an answer but the answer had been answered that I will have to tough this one out.
Dig a hole and bury what is left, a past.





Be here, be there, be every where you wish to be. Take my heart with you.

Something I would love to try doing, but I have a fear of diving into another world.